Being a Pisces, I must say that I am a bit romantic at heart. My fav genre of novels and movies is always romantic comedies. Recently, I watched P.S. I Love You (the movie) on Astro. Like what some people might say, I was at that time, not interested at all to watch very very sad movie. I just want to release my stress after all day of working. However, since I did not have any other options, I decided to give a chance to this movie. The first scene of the movie really caught my interests. I was so immersed in the movie as I began to sob unconsciously and uncontrollably. I am actually not a kind of person who will easily get carried away by emotions. When all my friends burst into tears while watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I sat alone frozen in my seat without any emotions. Overall, the movie was really great.
The next day, I decided to read the novel itself to make me understand the whole story even more. The story is about a young married couple, Holly and Gerry, who have a joke between them: If anything ever happened to him, he’d have to write her a list or else she’d never be able to cope without him. “The List” grew to encompass advice for any eventuality, a joke all their friends shared. When Gerry’s severe headache is diagnosed as brain cancer and Holly tragically loses him in a few short months, she is devastated and unmoored. She hasn’t just lost her husband, she’s lost her very identity. And then it arrives: a package marked “The List.” Gerry has kept his promise, and inside this package are ten envelopes to be opened over a period of ten months. Each letter offers specific instructions to guide Holly through grief, and ultimately grant her permission to return to life. Of course each letter ends with PS, I Love You.
The story begins in a very depressing description of life after Gerry's death - Gerry was gone and he would never be back. That was the reality. She would never again run her fingers through his soft hair, never share a secret joke across the table at a dinner party, never cry to him when she got home from a hard day at work and just needed a hug; she would never share a bed with him again, never be woken up by his fits of sneezes each morning, never laugh with him so much her stomach would ache, never fight with him about whose turn it was to get up and turn the bedroom light off. All that was left was a bundle of memories and an image of his face that became more and more vague each day.
The first letter says this:
My darling Holly,
I don’t know where you are or when exactly you are reading this. I just hope that my letter has found you safe and healthy. You whispered to me not long ago that you couldn’t go on alone. You can, Holly.
You are strong and brave and you can get through this. We shared some beautiful times together and you made my life . . . you made my life. I have no regrets. But I am just a chapter in your life, there will be many more. Remember our wonderful memories, but please don’t be afraid to make some more.
Thank you for doing me the honor of being my wife. For everything, I am eternally grateful.
Whenever you need me, know that I am with you.
Love Forever,
Your husband and best friend,
Gerry
PS, I promised a list, so here it is. The following envelopes must be opened exactly when labeled and must be obeyed. And remember, I’m looking out for you, so I will know . . .
The letter that is the most touching:
PS, I love you, Holly, and I know you love me. You don’t need my belongings to remember me by, you don’t need to keep them as proof that I existed or still exist in your mind. You don’t need to wear my sweater to feel me around you; I’m already there . . . always wrapping my arms around you.
And the description of her feelings was so clear that it was as if I myself can experience the sadness that she felt:
Days went by when she felt so happy and content and confident that her life would be OK, and then as quickly as the feeling came it would disappear again, and she would feel her sadness setting in once more. She tried to find a routine she could happily fall into so that she felt like she belonged in her body and her body belonged in this life, instead of wandering around like a zombie watching everybody else live theirs while she waited around for hers to end. Unfortunately the routine hadn’t turned out exactly as she hoped it would. She found herself immobile for hours in the sitting room, reliving every single memory that she and Gerry had shared. Sadly, she spent most of that time thinking about every argument they had had, wishing she could take them back, wishing she could take back every horrible word she had ever said to him. She prayed that Gerry had known her words had only been spoken out of anger and that they had not reflected her true feelings. She tortured herself for the times she had acted selfishly, going out with her friends for the night when she was mad at him instead of staying home with him. She chastised herself for walking away from him when she should have hugged him, when she held grudges for days instead of forgiving him, when she went straight to sleep some nights instead of making love to him. She wanted to take back every moment she knew he had been so angry with her and hated her. She wished all her memories could be of the good times, but the bad times kept coming back to haunt her. They had all been such a waste of time.And nobody had told them that they were short on time.
When it's time for happy moments, do the best to relive them:
Now and again she rang his mobile phone just to hear his voice on his answering machine, she had even been paying the mobile company every month just to keep his account open. His smell had faded from the house; his clothes long gone under his own orders. He was fading from her mind, and she clung to every little bit of him that she could. She deliberately thought about him every night right before she went to sleep just so that she would dream about him. She even bought his favorite aftershave and splashed it around the house so she wouldn’t feel so alone. Sometimes she would be out and a familiar smell or song would transport her back to another time and place. A happier time.
When the final letter came, I couldn't help myself crying:
Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Open your heart and follow where it leads you . . . and remember, shoot for the moon . . .
PS, I will always love you . . .
And finally, Holly's speech during Denise's wedding was once again emotionally challenging:
“Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone. I know a thing or two about having someone like that…,”
Now, I'm going to explain why I am so fascinated by the story. Look at the dramatic description of Holly's feelings. Focus on the wordings as well. It is as if we can share her sadness. A good writer is successfull in bringing the true emotional effect in her readers.
After I read the novel, I learned some valuable lessons in life; always appreciate people around you who love you and never expect anything except for your love in return. This not only covers your spouse in particular, but also your whole family especially the parents. Value their presence and spend more time with them. When it's time for them to go, at least you won't have any regret. We will always be busy with our work day by day but don't let it serve as a barrier that prevents us from loving them. A simple 'I love you' saying is enough to be uttered daily. Trust me, our mother or spouse will be smiling after hearing that.
As Holly said, to love and to be loved are blessings of life. There's no such thing as perfection in love. Nobody is perfect. True love is someone who makes us special and always be there for us. And the love will remain forever. Just like Gerry and Holly.
